Enjoy the solitude

Human beings are eminently social beings. We need cooperation with other people to survive, develop, learn, entertain ourselves, etc. and this is especially true in a society as interconnected as ours. Therefore, learning to develop and maintain relationships with other people and enjoy them is essential.

At the same time, we must recognize that our current society is characterized by a more individualistic lifestyle than that which has prevailed in other times or cultures. More and more people live alone, there are also many jobs with little connection to other people and leisure time is also now more individual (Smart phones, Play Station….)

Loneliness is part of our lives. It is important that we learn not only to accept and manage it, but also to enjoy it.

Anticipate the benefits : Before changing any behavior, I first have to be clear about why I want to do it and why this will be an improvement. Why do you want to learn to be alone? To be able to rest at home? To avoid feeling anxious when you run out of plans? Because the fear of loneliness is preventing you from cutting off certain relationships that hurt you? Each person has their reasons and only by starting from them will we have enough motivation to make changes.

Find solo activities you enjoy: Make a list of everything you can think of that you might enjoy. Think of activities you've enjoyed in the past, that have caught your attention at some point, or ask your acquaintances what they do when they're home alone. Crafts? Games? Reading? Going to the movies or concerts on your own?...the list can be very long. It's possible that initially none of the activities appeal to you because... you don't like being alone.

Choose a couple of activities and try them : Choose the activities that you find the least boring, the most attractive, the easiest, etc. Get everything you need to do them (e.g. materials, programs, etc.). Find a time in your daily routine when you can dedicate time to them. At first, it's normal that you won't enjoy them, because you're not used to them or you need to get used to them, but keep practicing.

Create a pleasant atmosphere : Make sure you choose a time when you will be able to be calm, without being in a rush, without having too many pending tasks to do next... If you do an activity inside the house, find a place where you feel comfortable, put on some background music, wear comfortable clothes, prepare a drink that you like... If you do an activity outside the house, plan it so that it is more pleasant for you.

Time is not for wasting : A thought that sometimes holds us back is the feeling that “we are wasting time.” It is possible that when we are at home we generally spend this time fulfilling our obligations (e.g. washing dishes, studying, cooking…) and this leads us to feel guilty if we leave these tasks aside and dedicate ourselves to leisure. However, times of rest and enjoyment are necessary and will even help you to be more productive during your work time or other obligations that you have to fulfill.

Doing things alone doesn't mean not having friends : Another thought that prevents us from enjoying solitude is the belief that having to have fun alone is a sign of not having friends or a partner. This will make me, every time I find myself in that situation, instead of focusing on enjoying myself, remember what I think I'm missing and feel bad. However, having a healthy and active social life is perfectly compatible with having hobbies alone. In fact, having times of rest and disconnection prepares us to better enjoy our social interactions.

If others see me, they will think badly of me: Many people hold back for fear of what others will think... others do not tend to continually analyze our behavior and doing activities alone is compatible with having other more social moments. What's more, many people choose to do certain activities alone because they can enjoy it more.

Doing things alone is compatible with making social plans : Socializing with others and enjoying their company is still something very beneficial that we should cultivate. The goal is to be able to choose when it benefits me to be alone and when it benefits me to be accompanied, in order to avoid suffering the negative consequences.

Being alone is not feeling lonely : A person can be physically alone and experience very positive emotions. Feeling alone has to do with the feeling of not having support or people who care for me that I can count on. The way to combat this emotion is to improve the quality of these relationships and even by learning that we can be alone and in good company (our own).

Practice meditation : Sometimes the hardest thing about being alone is being alone with our thoughts, which bombard us with negative emotions and prevent us from being calm. Doing this exercise daily can help you better manage your attention and thoughts and feel more comfortable in your own company , without having to resort to something external (people or other sources of entertainment). This skill requires practice and must be done in the right conditions.

Adapting these guidelines to your needs and particular lifestyle will help you gain greater freedom and conquer vital spaces and times . It will allow you to be more independent of other people's plans or decisions and gain autonomy.