Why is it so difficult to find a partner?

When we have been looking for a stable partner for some time and we haven't found one, feelings of guilt, insecurity and some doubts may arise : "Why doesn't anyone love me?" "Why is it so hard for me to find a partner?" "Am I not good enough for anyone?"

These doubts put us in a position of guilt that can be very damaging to our mental well-being. Everyone has their own challenges and difficulties in life, if ours is to find someone to share a path with, we will have to develop techniques to achieve our goal and move forward.

There may be a number of reasons, conscious or unconscious, that prevent us from establishing a proper emotional bond with a particular person. These reasons may be based on fear of commitment, of being betrayed, of having our dignity trampled on... whatever the case, we must find the underlying reason that makes us boycott the possibility of having a loving relationship.

Fear of failure

Many times we don't take the plunge for fear of hurting ourselves... perhaps we've had bad experiences with other people and we don't want to repeat that experience. We probably fear not being enough and this fear is reflected in our way of acting. If we behave with fear we won't attract those people who could potentially be important individuals in our lives.

Extreme shyness

Introverts are characterized by having fewer social ties than extroverts. This does not mean that they cannot have intimate relationships and a stable partner, however, it is related to difficulties in establishing relationships and, as a consequence, difficulty in finding a partner. Extreme shyness can be managed so that, by developing the appropriate social skills, we can establish affectionate relationships and, over time, manage to find love.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is related to insecure behavior and fear of interacting with others. Having low self-esteem is one of the symptoms of social phobia or avoidant personality disorder. It is important to learn to strengthen self-esteem in order to achieve a good social support network that allows us to form emotional bonds as a couple.

Not being willing to compromise

Another reason may be an unconscious fear of commitment. Having a partner means being willing to change many aspects of our lives , it means taking another person into account in our decisions and sharing our emotions openly. For many people, although it is hard to admit, commitment is something complicated and for this reason they avoid (consciously or unconsciously) establishing a stable relationship.

Having too high expectations and being too demanding

If you set excessive requirements and try to find the 'ideal man' in a way that is too literal and unrealistic, you will probably never find anyone 'good enough' for you. In essence, it is a good filter to keep people away and not have to expose yourself to intimacy with anyone because your own shortcomings will surface . The imperfect one will always be the other.

Internal labels

Review what things you are telling yourself: "I am not worthy of having a partner", "I am unbearable", "I have no luck in love", "I am a disaster"... This internal language is very harmful and these messages that you unconsciously repeat to yourself condemn you, sabotage you and take away the possibility of making an effort to change , because "I am like that...". You assume a condition and a way of being that is not real and you put your own obstacles in order not to evolve.

Relationship experts tell us about a category of factors that may be getting in the way of your search for a partner:

Lack of emotional intelligence and management . If you are unable to understand and control your emotions, you may be somewhat unpredictable and difficult to relate to peacefully.

Lack of social skills , especially not being a more empathetic person. Do you expect others to always understand you and put themselves in your place, but you rarely do the same with others? Do you say things just as you feel or think them, without a filter, without caring about your manner or how they will affect others? Do you put yourself in other people's shoes when they are telling you something that overwhelms and worries them? Are you able to look them in the eye during a conversation? Consider whether you have difficulties integrating and interacting appropriately in society.

Lack of tolerance for frustration . Can't stand it when things don't go your way, when people don't act the way you expect, when things go wrong or when you can't keep everything under control? You must learn how to overcome frustration even in the most critical moments.

After many centuries of male domination, women have much more power than before and every day they play a more important role, recognizing that they are not inferior, but more complex and multifunctional. But achieving this power and being self-sufficient sometimes makes it difficult to find a partner and establish a stable relationship.

As women grow older, their needs and requirements grow, so it is not surprising that the more successful and independent a woman is, the more her demands for the ideal partner will increase. And among these attributes is often “a single man without complications, such as children or alimony, that is, an intellectually competent and self-confident man.”

Unfortunately, machismo still predominates in Latin culture and in this sense, men are accustomed to maintaining a certain amount of control, which is why when a woman is smart, intelligent, professional and independent, especially in the economic aspect, she tends to intimidate or scare.

Furthermore, regardless of the fact that the number of professional women has increased more than that of men, it is still a fact that the concept of woman, mother and family still exists . Therefore, indirectly, this 'social pressure' allows the entry of feelings of guilt for 'having prioritized my professional life over that of raising a family'.

Furthermore, professional women tend to put their personal lives on hold in order to prioritize their professional lives, so the goal of achieving a balance between being a mother, a woman, and a professional can become complicated .

Once we believe that we are ready to have a relationship, we just have to wait. Many people say that love is not sought, it comes without warning. This statement is largely true and we cannot force a relationship. Finding a partner has to be something relatively simple, spontaneous and relaxed.

Close past doors : problems of mistrust, detachment and past insecurities take their toll on the dynamics of the couple. If we want to avoid harming the other person, it is important to forget the past and live in the present.

Learn to trust : each person is unique and unrepeatable, and experiences with other individuals should not generate distrust if what we want is to have a new partner. Opening ourselves to new experiences and learning to trust can be the key to starting a new relationship.