Learn to love yourself

Oct 30, 2023Mar Fondevila Cornado0 comments

Loving yourself is a fundamental pillar to achieve well-being

Although human beings are social beings who seek to satisfy the need for affiliation through relating to others, among all the relationships we forge throughout our lives, there is one that stands out as the deepest and most satisfying: the relationship with oneself .

We often focus on our external relationships wanting to give and receive love and forget about one of the most enriching and powerful experiences we can experience, which is cultivating self-love. This is an act that will positively influence all aspects of our lives .

What does it mean to “love yourself”?

Loving oneself is closely linked to knowing how to bring out the best version of ourselves, discovering the potential we have at all levels: emotional, romantic, spiritual... Loving oneself also means being honest with ourselves and with others, and committing to life and the well-being of ourselves and others.

Furthermore, loving yourself also implies being attentive to our vital needs and accepting, respecting and loving ourselves for who we are.

Love begins with oneself

Self-love is a basic pillar for our emotional and psychological well-being. It means building a deep and enriching relationship with ourselves, based on, among other things, acceptance, respect, and self-care. It is an unconditional love to always support us, in all circumstances, whether things go well or badly.

Relating to and giving love to others is an experience that is both necessary and rewarding, although it is important to keep in mind that we cannot give what we do not have. In reality, it is worth starting to give love to the most important person with whom we will live and who will accompany us for the rest of our existence: ourselves.

Loving oneself is, in its purest essence, the act of recognizing oneself as a worthy person and deserving of love. This recognition goes beyond what we have or have achieved in life, our capabilities or personal characteristics. It is about looking at our own being with love and understanding, simply for the mere fact of existing as a human being.

Self-love calls us to divert our attention from the constant pursuit of material acquisitions or external achievements that often become the measure of our worth. And while recognizing, valuing, appreciating and being grateful for all that we have, have achieved or are capable of doing is part of the practice of self-esteem, disconnection from our true essence can lead us to feel empty and lost.

Self-love invites us to look into our inner selves and discover the beauty that resides within each of us. It is a reminder that we are worthy of love not for what we have or do, but simply for who we are.

How can you cultivate self-love?

Cultivating self-love is an inner journey that invites us to nurture our relationship with ourselves throughout our entire existence. It is an ongoing and constantly evolving process that requires perseverance, dedication, and self-reflection. Below are some practices to work on and strengthen your relationship with yourself:

1. Work on self-knowledge

Start by knowing and understanding who you are. Reflect on your values, goals, desires. This process of inner exploration will help you make more conscious decisions aligned with your authenticity, allowing you to build a more meaningful life in harmony with yourself and without seeking the approval of others.

2. Practice self-acceptance

Accepting yourself means learning to value yourself as you are at this moment, with all your strengths and weaknesses: “this is who I am now and I accept myself as I am.” Loving yourself takes us back to our essence, embracing our uniqueness and recognizing that, although we are imperfect and make mistakes, our worth and our ability to love and be loved are not altered because they do not depend on it.

3. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being

Self-love involves taking care of your own vital needs and taking care of yourself in all aspects and dimensions: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually . This means leading a healthy lifestyle, eating well, exercising regularly, taking time to rest, being careful of our thoughts and emotions, practicing relaxation techniques and spending time alone with practices that allow us to connect with ourselves.

4. Set healthy boundaries

Learn to say "no" when necessary and set boundaries both in your tasks and activities during times of stress and overload, as well as in your relationships. You should not feel obligated to please others at the expense of pleasing yourself and meeting your needs in situations that require it. The ability to set boundaries is a sign of respect and love for yourself.

5. Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is the ability to treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and compassion you would treat a friend or loved one in both good times and difficult times. Instead of judging and being critical of yourself during difficult times or situations, practice self-compassion. Use understanding, constructive, positive, and self-compassionate self-talk with yourself to give yourself unconditional support.

6. Seek Happiness and Well-being in the Being

In a society oriented toward doing and having, self-love teaches us that true happiness and well-being comes from our inner Self . Remembering that these are not tied to how many possessions or accomplishments we accumulate, but to how we feel about ourselves on a deeper level. When we love ourselves, we find peace and satisfaction in our own company and do not put our happiness in the hands of external factors or other people.

Strategies

It is impossible to offer others what we lack: if we are not able to feel love for ourselves, it will be impossible for us to have a healthy relationship as a couple, with friends or with our family.

1. Approach the present with optimism to build a good future

Loving yourself also means stopping demanding more from yourself than you really are. Aspiring to improve in life and as people is a noble project, but it should not lead us to anxiety and to underestimating who we are currently . We must learn to break with the false beliefs that condition our present and our future, in addition to missing out on valuable things in our current life and our personality.

2. Dare to be yourself and show yourself as you are

Loving yourself means showing yourself as you are in the different areas in which you move . You have to face reality, with its obstacles and difficulties. Being aware of your potential allows you to connect better with people and focus on your personal goals.

3. Loving yourself is being able to love others

Learning to love ourselves will give us a greater capacity to love other people. Why? When we take care of our psychological well-being, we are building a long list of good habits and attitudes that positively affect how we face the world. With a good foundation of self-respect, we are in tune with other people who also love themselves, and we can establish healthy relationships that allow us to relate from a place of sincerity and be able to grow and mature together.

4. Lose your fears and ties

When we are prepared to accept who we are, we can love ourselves . We are then freed from the pressure of failure, and this is when the maximum personal development of our skills and abilities occurs. Loving yourself also implies a better knowledge of yourself. Do you know how you can find yourself in order to be happier?

5. Open your mind and free yourself: your life is yours

Loving yourself also means opening up and freeing yourself from certain conditions and expectations that others have placed on you. We cannot allow our life to pass in a kind of bubble, we must try to overcome the constraints, understand that they are only in our minds and start connecting with people or hobbies that we had not given ourselves the opportunity to meet.

6. Forget about social masks

Loving yourself means stripping yourself of masks and conventions. You don't have to please everyone: if you show yourself as you are, many will appreciate your honesty and will like to share good times with you.

7. Accepting ourselves also means knowing our limits

Nobody is perfect, nobody. To love yourself, it is not necessary to have unrealistic aspirations and ambitions, but rather to fight every day to improve as much as possible, but within our possibilities and to a rational extent. There will be things in life that we like more or less, and therefore we must know how to choose those that make us happy and delve deeper into them.

8. Complain less and enjoy more

Loving ourselves necessarily means taking responsibility for our actions, without victimhood or regrets . We live on a planet that has provided a series of factors that help us progress and feel better about ourselves and our environment. Does it make any sense to spend the day complaining?

9. Develop your potential

Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences explains that each of us has natural instincts and talents that can be improved if we set our minds to it. One of the keys to developing ourselves as people is to fulfil ourselves through activities that are a fun and exciting challenge . We have to let our creativity and ingenuity flow to be aware of the great potential that we possess.

10. Take the risk of living unique experiences

Do you know how many people have a grey life simply because they don't take control of their lives? Watching the days go by without breaking the routine is one of the ways to have a bad self-esteem. We must learn to take risks, whether in the sentimental, professional, or any other field. Taking risks implies freeing ourselves from many fears that we carry. This point is essential for our inner strength to awaken once and for all.

To take better care of yourself and love yourself, try to end your day with a gentle reading and practicing gratitude.

Some tips.....

What are the obstacles that we can find in this learning process? Below, we show you the most common mistakes so that you can avoid them:

Wanting to please others . When you condition your well-being to this goal, you sabotage your present joy for an end that is totally impossible. What is most important? That you try to make decisions based on good. It is important to believe in yourself.

Attachment bonds . The happiest relationships are those that start from freedom and that reach their maximum expression. One of the risks of attachment bonds is to remain in them out of fear of loneliness. That is, with the desire to fill a void that, on the contrary, grows larger.

Waiting for external recognition . For example, in the professional field. Don't condition your internal motivation on the desire to receive that external recognition from someone who tells you that you have done a good job. If that circumstance occurs, value that moment. But don't turn this issue into a necessity.

Postponing decisions aimed at strengthening this self-love by remaining stuck in a comfort zone that shows a dynamic of predictable routines that make up this present time. It is a mistake to postpone this decision-making because of the possible fear that fear of change produces.